I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
