The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
