it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
