so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
did i walk over a car last night?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
