You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Couch. On fire.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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