My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
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when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
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Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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