i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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