Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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