I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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