The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
