Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
