We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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