On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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