i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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