So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
