my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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