yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
