I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
