This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
