We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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