Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
