My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize