I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
