We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
