Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
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its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
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Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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