I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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