great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
