I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
how does that bad decision feel?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
