wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
