Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
