this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
