Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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