I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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