2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize