My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
