Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
