What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
