I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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