Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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