Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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