wat bout pragnant strippers??
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
