god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
