I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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