I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
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I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
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I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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