I wish I could punch you in the face.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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