Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
