I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
