Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
