he puts the penis in happiness.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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