so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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