and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
