Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
