soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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