Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
