He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
