I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
