this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
