Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Sober January is a disaster.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
