are you so shy because you have an std?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
