I think im going to throw up on grandma
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
worst night to have a conscience
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
