Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
