The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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