I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
