Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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