You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
