That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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