if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
