I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Buhtt sex?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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