me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize