Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
