If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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