laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
